Standing at the front of a
magazine company/billboard and she has the most gorgeous face you've
ever seen. Her hair is silky brown. Her skin
looks so radiant and so incredibly soft. You would be on top of the
world if you could
pick her this girl up. You feel the fear deep in your
gut. You know that even if you got your balls in gear and went for it,
you wouldn't know what to say. You feel so nervous and fumbly that you
would reject yourself if you were her.
So you shy away from even
approaching her in the first place. Does this situation sound
familiar? If so, keep reading...
+++
The first thing for you to realize
is that all guys get anxiety about approaching women.
I know I certainly do. But what separates you (and me) from the rest
of these guys is...
What You Do About Your Fear.
Most guys let fear paralyze them... not just about chicks, but about
other things in
their life like their career... which is why, unfortunately, most guys
will never find the
success they want.
...
First, look at where your fear comes from. The problem is inside of
you. It's not with the chicks. If you're thinking about rejection,
then that means you're making your approaches with a certain outcome
in mind. (I'm just guessing, but I think if you're like most guys,
your goal
is getting chicks attracted to you so that you can get laid.) Try this
instead... approach
without having any expectations. No goals. Let me tell you about a
problem I used to have. I'm inclined to be an
introvert. So to overcome my
shyness, I would force myself to chat up everybody, no matter who they
were... hot girls, ugly girls, fat girls, old people, men, people
walking dogs, etc.
I would talk about neutral topics
with them, nothing to do with picking up chicks. The net result from
all of that was I became
really good at approaching people. After that, however, I made a
mistake. I said to myself,
"Since I'm so good at approaching people and have become an outgoing
person, why am I wasting time talking to anyone other than hot
chicks?" So then I limited the people I talked to... and my anxiety
about talking to
random women swept over me once again. It was as if I'd never had all
that practice chatting up strangers in the first
place. At that point I realized it
was because I was outcome-dependent. Because I had thoughts like "I'm
going to try to lay this chick" in my mind... before I'd even opened
my mouth to say
"hi"... and so I would crash and burn. It sucked. Here's something I want you to
try. Whenever you go out, talk to three people, but do it
just for practice. Don't do it for real. Because it's just for
practice, don't limit yourself to just talking to hot women.
In general, I've found that
elderly people (both males and females) and fat women are
easy to talk to. If it helps, set up a time limit for your practice
interactions, like that you'll talk to the person for 30 seconds and
then you'll get out of the conversation. (Say something like, "Well,
I'm on my way to meeting a friend. Good chatting
with you." And then walk away
without making a big deal of it.)
Once you've done your practices
and feel warmed up, then you can chat up hot chicks. Again though, do
it without having any sort of sex-related outcome in mind.
For example, if a chick passes by
you in a hallway, just say, "Hey, I
need a quick female opinion on something." (Then ask about something
that you genuinely want a female opinion on.)
Remember though: have no
outcome in mind. So it doesn't matter if the chick responds rudely.
In fact, when you reach a
point that you've chatted up lots of women, you'll find that
eventually rude responses on their part mean nothing. You'll have an
attitude of "ha, how original... I've had tons of women give me that
exact same 'clever'
rude comment." I've been rejected hideously, time and time
again. One chick screamed
"Go away!" at me before I could even get out my initial sentence.
... Another time I thought it was amusing when I approached a group of
two girls, just for
practice, and right after I said "hey," they both turned their backs
on me in unison, as if
they were synchronized dancers! Now I just look back on all of that
and laugh. My point is that the more you approach, the more you'll
reach a level
where you notice that most people act in the same, predictable ways.
It'll bore you rather than cause you anxiety.
...
Think of it as trying to build
a house. You put down one brick at a time and cement it.
Brick, cement.
Brick, cement.
It'll take a long time, but eventually, the walls will be up (which
means you've finished
the toughest part of the job). ...
To get a bit more psychological,
there's really no such thing as "being nervous." You don't
"get nervous," like it's some
kind of flu virus that invades your body. All feelings of nervousness
come from within. You have a certain series of
thought processes that you go through before you become nervous. You
say things to yourself. (When you think thoughts like, "I would reject
myself," it sets you up for failure!)
You picture the chicks rejecting
you. You feel tense in your body. And so on. So what you can do to
break this is to identify it for what it is.
Notice your negative thoughts
and change them.
Instead of thinking, "Oh my
God, this chick is going to act like a bitch to me because I fumble my
words"... think, "It's
awesome that I'm making this approach, because if this chick rejects
me, that means I've gotten her out of the way and
I'm one step closer to finding my
dream girl." Notice where you feel tense in your body, and
then let your muscles relax in
those areas. For me, I feel tense in my jaw and face when I'm nervous.
So when I relax my
jaw and facial muscles, it alleviates a lot of my tension.
... I'll wrap it up for you by concluding with this advice:
1) Be social for the sake of
being social. Nothing else.
2) Remember that the only way to get over your fear is by doing the
thing you fear. The more you do it, the easier it gets, because your
attitude about the experiences
will become, "Been there, done that, it's no big deal."
3) Recognize your bad thoughts
and force yourself to replace them with good ones.
4) Ease the physical tension you
have in your body when you feel
nervous.

The basic factor is that you must talk to all and every girl you come
in contact with, this will build up your convo skills, strenght and
confidence to face Oprah winfrey herself.

Practice make perfect.

X.A